9 Months

 

This post is hard for me to write and I've been putting it off for days.

We went to the allergist last week to confirm that Colin was allergic to milk and that was causing the blood in his stool.  But the appointment was far from what I expected.  When she weighed Colin we were both immediately concerned. 

He's lost a pound in the last 3 months.

All of his allergy test came back negative and the doctor told me she would speak to the head of her department to put a rush on getting him into a GI specialist in the next 2 weeks.

He had his "regular" 9 month check up this week, but it again was far from regular.  The doctor weighed and measured him twice, not believing the numbers were correct.

 He's also shrunk in length.

He's now smaller than he was at 6 months old.

He's fallen completely off the curve for height and weight.  The words "Failure to Thrive" are now at the top of his chart.  The only thing that is still growing is his little noggin, which is good because it means his brain is still developing.

My praise is that he's ahead of the game developmentally.  He crawls and pulls up all day long.  He feeds himself and says "ma-mum", which completely melts my heart.  He's always happy and content and smiling and babbling, never acting like anything is bothering him.  AND he has 6 teeth!  I'm not sure I've ever met a 9 month old with so many teeth!

So far, all of his blood work has come back normal and we're still waiting for the Celiac test results.  We have a week full of testing in front of us.  Monday he has an upper GI x-ray and has to fast for 6 hours before the appointment.  I'm the most anxious about this appointment and dread trying to console a hungry baby.  Tuesday we see a GI specialist and I have no idea what that day holds.  Wednesday he has a sweat chloride test to test for cystic fibrosis.

Did I mention that Ben is unattainable, in a tent somewhere in the boonies this week?

Not good timing.

All decisions are on this momma.

My heart broke as I posted these pictures.  Not much has changed and he looks pretty much the same as he did at Christmas.  He's still in the same clothes, filling up the same amount of basket.  

So much for a cute picture progression.

I've had so much support and prayers poured over us this week.  But perhaps my greatest encouragement has come from other moms; moms who understand the worry and heartache, who've had that, "Wait.  My perfect baby isn't perfect?" moment and moms who've been through this and now have a big, healthy child.

I've fought anger this week.  Anger that my doctor didn't run these tests 3 months ago and didn't stay on top of his health.  Anger that I spent 3 months avoiding all dairy for no reason.  Anger that my baby is possibly suffering and has been for a long time.  Anger that I don't know what's wrong and I don't know how to fix it.

And I've fought sadness for all those parents out there who truly have sick kids.  I like to pretend it doesn't exist, but this experience has greatly opened my eyes.  How blessed I am.  I don't know what Colin's prognosis will be, but I have hope that it is a simple solution.  Somewhere out there, there is a momma who doesn't have that hope and all I can do is pray hard for her today.