Ben has been given orders to attend Officer Training School in Newport, Rhode Island.
He leaves a month from today and will be gone for 5 weeks.
I will be 34-39 weeks pregnant.
He will be gone for Mother's Day, my 30th birthday and yes, possibly the birth of the baby.
Because of this, I've made our blog private...I just don't feel comfortable having the whole world know that I'm at home by myself and largely pregnant. And the purpose of this blog is for my documentation of our family life and I put enough personal information on it that it just makes sense. Plus, the personal information is just going to increase as I document the arrival of Surprise Baby.
I've also added a tab on our blog titled 'For Ben'. We don't know how much we'll be able to be in contact with one another, if at all. I wanted to make sure that Ben doesn't miss a moment of our kids lives, especially if #3 joins the family. I plan on posting daily for him, so if he ever has a chance, he can check in on us. I realize that I can't make that tab solely private and I know people will read it, but I ask that you respect our family privacy and not post any comments on that page.
When Ben was first given the information that he was eligible to be sent to this training, I was at peace with it. There was a chance he wouldn't be selected and there was even another chance that he wouldn't get funded to go. The door was wide open for God to shut it. I assured him we would be fine and that we just would need a plan. I'm good at planning. I love planning.
But the moment he said he was officially given orders, my brain shut down.
He told me to tell him what I wanted and he would make it happen.
Great, but my brain couldn't put together what I wanted.
All I could think was, "I don't know".
Every time I started to formulate a plan, it would fall through.
Ben started to get frustrated with me that I was being too picky or judgmental and didn't know how to help me. Then I realized why it was such a struggle.
What I want is my husband.
Nothing can replace that.
Nothing and no one can be the comfort that he is.
No one can take care of our kids like he does and no one knows me like he does.
Enjoying a family movie night, watching 'The Muppets' and eating M & M's
So what does this mean?
It means that our days are a little sweeter; a little more cherished.
It means we have a lot to get done in 4 weeks.
Ben is preaching the next 2 Sundays, has 2 seminary classes to finish, training to prepare for and work to prep for his leave.
I have to gather everything we need for a new baby, get a haircut and pedicure, potty train Eli, decide/plan/prepare/ for Alison's schooling next year, get the van inspected and an oil change, line up emergency babysitters, plan and grocery shop for 5 weeks of meals and figure out Alison's new booster seat situation.
Oh yeah, and WE HAVE TO PICK A NAME FOR THE BABY!
He leaves a month from today and will be gone for 5 weeks.
I will be 34-39 weeks pregnant.
He will be gone for Mother's Day, my 30th birthday and yes, possibly the birth of the baby.
Because of this, I've made our blog private...I just don't feel comfortable having the whole world know that I'm at home by myself and largely pregnant. And the purpose of this blog is for my documentation of our family life and I put enough personal information on it that it just makes sense. Plus, the personal information is just going to increase as I document the arrival of Surprise Baby.
I've also added a tab on our blog titled 'For Ben'. We don't know how much we'll be able to be in contact with one another, if at all. I wanted to make sure that Ben doesn't miss a moment of our kids lives, especially if #3 joins the family. I plan on posting daily for him, so if he ever has a chance, he can check in on us. I realize that I can't make that tab solely private and I know people will read it, but I ask that you respect our family privacy and not post any comments on that page.
When Ben was first given the information that he was eligible to be sent to this training, I was at peace with it. There was a chance he wouldn't be selected and there was even another chance that he wouldn't get funded to go. The door was wide open for God to shut it. I assured him we would be fine and that we just would need a plan. I'm good at planning. I love planning.
But the moment he said he was officially given orders, my brain shut down.
He told me to tell him what I wanted and he would make it happen.
Great, but my brain couldn't put together what I wanted.
All I could think was, "I don't know".
Every time I started to formulate a plan, it would fall through.
Ben started to get frustrated with me that I was being too picky or judgmental and didn't know how to help me. Then I realized why it was such a struggle.
What I want is my husband.
Nothing can replace that.
Nothing and no one can be the comfort that he is.
No one can take care of our kids like he does and no one knows me like he does.
Enjoying a family movie night, watching 'The Muppets' and eating M & M'sSo what does this mean?
It means that our days are a little sweeter; a little more cherished.
It means we have a lot to get done in 4 weeks.
Ben is preaching the next 2 Sundays, has 2 seminary classes to finish, training to prepare for and work to prep for his leave.
I have to gather everything we need for a new baby, get a haircut and pedicure, potty train Eli, decide/plan/prepare/ for Alison's schooling next year, get the van inspected and an oil change, line up emergency babysitters, plan and grocery shop for 5 weeks of meals and figure out Alison's new booster seat situation.
Oh yeah, and WE HAVE TO PICK A NAME FOR THE BABY!
Eliot very excited to see his crib...and very sad when we told him it was for the new baby.Honestly, I had great hesitations in writing this post. I put it off for a long time. There are still a lot of people I haven't even told. Why? Because my greatest struggle with this has been with people's reactions. I have been shocked and caught off guard...it definitely was not the challenge I anticipated facing. I can handle Ben being gone for 5 weeks. I can handle taking care of our kids by myself. The anxiety of having a Surprise Baby some time in the next 10 weeks would be present even if Ben was home. But for some reason, dealing with others comments has been too much.
Most are thinking, "Well, that was a dumb decision. Sucks for you."
Others think, "Jen! You should have controlled your husband and not let him go or even let him go into the Military!"
And then there's the large majority that think, "Well, that's the life you signed up for. Suck it up."
Did we plan to have a third baby? No.
Did we plan for Ben to be gone? No.
We were originally told nothing would be happening until January.
Would we have chosen this? No.
Most are thinking, "Well, that was a dumb decision. Sucks for you."
Others think, "Jen! You should have controlled your husband and not let him go or even let him go into the Military!"
And then there's the large majority that think, "Well, that's the life you signed up for. Suck it up."
Did we plan to have a third baby? No.
Did we plan for Ben to be gone? No.
We were originally told nothing would be happening until January.
Would we have chosen this? No.
I may not know much, but here's what I do know.
I love Ben immensely and he has been called by God to Ministry.
I am called as his wife to be a helper, encourager and supporter.
We are all called to pick up our cross and follow Christ wherever He leads us and with that requires daily sacrifice.
God cannot be put in a box and I cannot limit what he can and will do in our life.
Who am I to stop God's work in my husband's life?
I am not the God of my husband and who am I to control him?
I know that Ben loves me and wants to provide and take care of me to the best of his ability.
I know that my Savior loves me and wants to bless me.
I know this will be hard, but it will be good.
I've already seen blessing. I've already seen our relationship strengthen and deepen. I've seen the Lord give us a peace that only comes from Him.
I love Ben immensely and he has been called by God to Ministry.
I am called as his wife to be a helper, encourager and supporter.
We are all called to pick up our cross and follow Christ wherever He leads us and with that requires daily sacrifice.
God cannot be put in a box and I cannot limit what he can and will do in our life.
Who am I to stop God's work in my husband's life?
I am not the God of my husband and who am I to control him?
I know that Ben loves me and wants to provide and take care of me to the best of his ability.
I know that my Savior loves me and wants to bless me.
I know this will be hard, but it will be good.
I've already seen blessing. I've already seen our relationship strengthen and deepen. I've seen the Lord give us a peace that only comes from Him.
Right now our "Operation Baby" plan is this:
We will line up emergency babysitters for Alison and Eliot.
Lord willing, Rachel and the girls will come stay with me week 4 and
my sister will come week 5.
Other than that, our plan is to PRAY. Pray for strength and for comfort. Pray for a healthy baby and a quick recovery. Pray for safety for Ben. Pray that Alison and Eliot would adjust and feel secure through the next few months. Pray for good sleep, as I've found I'm the most emotional when I'm tired. Pray that we would rest in the everlasting arms of Christ.
We will line up emergency babysitters for Alison and Eliot.
Lord willing, Rachel and the girls will come stay with me week 4 and
my sister will come week 5.
Other than that, our plan is to PRAY. Pray for strength and for comfort. Pray for a healthy baby and a quick recovery. Pray for safety for Ben. Pray that Alison and Eliot would adjust and feel secure through the next few months. Pray for good sleep, as I've found I'm the most emotional when I'm tired. Pray that we would rest in the everlasting arms of Christ.
5 comments:
I will be praying for you! And I'd love to be an emergency babysitter (or Buddy for you!) if I can. I am here to help in any way! :)
awesome post, jen. I'm so proud of you...your attitude is inspiring. You know that I will/can help in any way you need! In the meantime, I'm praying for all of you!
Only God knows what is best for your family and he will provide! You and Ben are smart and capable and clearly following God's leading. One thing I always have loved, appreciated and admired about you, especially as you have become a mom, is your willingness to ask for help. I am and will be praying for you both and offer my full support even if I can't be their physically. Love to you all!
Jen - you and Ben can do this :) I will be putting in a prayer request for you and your family with my women's bible study here at Ft. Rucker. They prayed for Baby Zoey to wait until her daddy came home from his training, and their prayers surrounded Joel and I with peace through those grueling 3 weeks.
I remember similar comments when Joel deployed to Afghanistan. I was asked often "How could you let him go?" I think a lot of people fail to see that good wives support their husbands in whatever God calls them to do. Joel volunteered for that deployment - after asking me 3 times if he could go, and after me saying no all 3 times before turning to God for guidance.
This has gotten me through many tough times as a military wife: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight." (Prov 3:5-6)
I promise I'm not thinking any of those things and it is sad that anyone would! I am so sad I didn't know Ben was gone all this time. I didn't realize your blog was private now and kept waiting for a new post to show up in my blog reader. It doesn't know when private blogs get new posts so I just figured you were too busy to blog these days. I will definitely be praying for you these last few days that Ben is gone. Hang in there!
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